London - the truth ......

When I was just about boarding the plane on February 22, my cell phone rang. Jeff knew my flight schedule and therefore must have felt 'safe' to call knowing that I was about to leave London.

I decided not to take his call - he rang three times more - and again as soon as my plane landed in Malaga 3 hours later.

And then in the comfort of my apartment, I finally had the courage to call my daughter and tell her everything.

The following day, February 23rd, I then wrote to Jeff:

I was really tired and very exhausted - so I decided not to take your yesterday's phone calls.

My only worry now is my health status and then how to carry on trying to forget the whole 'episode' Jeff Koinange.

One way would be to publish all our correspondence from day one as well as the details about what has happened in London in the Internet - title: "Jeff Koinange - the real man behind the scenes - a warning to all my Sisters out there!!!!!"

To this he replied immediately via his Blackberry:

I'm asking you as a friend and as a confidante, please do not do that !!!!!!!!

PLEASE !!!!!!!!

You will ruin both you and me forever ..... think about it and let's talk when I'm back in Joburg ..... I'm leaving now !!!!!!!!

A few minutes later he added:

I wish you knew what I went through the last two days .......

As for your health, I can assure you that you are ALRIGHT .... in fact, I can PROMISE you that .... as you know I would NEVER put you in any danger .... I told you that once before .... and I am a man of my word.

As for publishing my mails, if you, Marianne, want to be the woman who will DESTROY the reputation I've worked so hard to build, to DESTROY the trust I put in you to write from the heart, that will really break my heart.

Take care and please don't worry about your health .... you're a strong and very healthy woman.

JK

Do you realize that there is no word of regret, no explanation nor apology in this mail ...... he is just afraid about his reputation and what it could do to him when and if I talk.

So I replied:

From next week onwards you can read about you and me on my blog - and I will send it to all TV- and Newspaper-outlets including some friends in Africa.

I am sorry - but you and your behaviour with me - and I am sure with other women and also with men - has forced me to do this.

You have damaged not only my body, but also my pride and I am not willing to accept this.

And again his immediate reply via his Blackberry:

If that's how you feel, then all I can say is SORRY from the bottom of my heart and I hope you can find it in your compassionate heart to forgive me and give me ONE more chance to make it up to you ......

I at least deserve that ..... one more chance ...... if I FUCK-UP again, then you can do whatever you want !!!!!

To this I replied:

Which chance? What do you think you can correct?

Being a lover as you promised to be? Being a man who cares as you said you do? Being somebody I could trust completely as you begged me I should?

Who is the real Jeff Koinange?

In my memory it is the man who forced himself on me and then left me there in that hotel room - having seen and realized that he had injured me and that I was bleeding - who left without looking back.

Only now - when you fear I could talk - you come out of hiding and beg me to forgive you.

So give me one reason why I should. You have and you never had any feelings for me - all these sweet words were just empty promises given under false presumptions.

So again my question: how do you think you could ever make up to this? And how and why should I ever trust you again?

He then also called - already being at the Airport to board the plane to Johannesburg.

When I answered his call, I immediately realized that this had been a mistake because the only reason why he called was to ask me NOT to tell my daughter anything ......

After this I had another sleepless night and the following day, I then wrote to him:

The image of a face .......

After you had left me alone in the hotel and after having taken a long shower trying to 'clean' myself, I tried to sleep - but one face appeared again and again in front of me:

The sad face of the beautiful girl of your Congo Report on the Raped Women. The empty and sad expression on her face - and this is haunting me since then.

It is exactly how I felt during these days when you left me alone after what you had done to me ..... and not even tried to call to find out how I felt.

And to think that you received your honors and awards exactly for these reports on mistreated women - what a joke .... and how sad just to think about this. How these women believed in you - trusting you with their sad stories - and the world seeing in you a sensitive and compassionate journalist ....

How wrong we all have been because the reality and my experience with you has proved all this false.

But as you wrote to me once: "This is all just a show - this is not the real me."

I did not understand then what this meant. Now I know.

And then the biggest 'joke' of all: Even in this moment you still think you could have a relationship with my daughter and asking me not to tell her anything what has happened in London because you are still interested in getting to know her (and having a child with her ....)

You must be really crazy just to think that I would ever introduce my daughter to you.

And now you even ask me to 'forgive' you - to allow you a second chance - that you deserve this at least .....

You had all the chances in the world - but you have lost each one of them.

And I am also of the opinion that you have not only lost your humanity, but tou must have sold your soul to the devil (maybe to a devil like Biwott?????).

You will for sure have realized that I never mentioned the fact that his wife Shaila was expecting their first child ........

The reason for this is quite simple: Jeff did not mention this with one word - neither in London nor during the days after.

On the contrary - also during our conversation in the Lobby - he still asked a lot about my daughter and was a bit disappointed that she had not joined me.

How I finally got to know that his wife was pregnant ...... just read the following mails .......

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will be continued tomorrow ...........